I HAD A MENTAL MELTDOWN

Last weekend, I had a mental health meltdown; the first since 2018. It was unexpected and very hard. I have bottled up a lot of emotions and stress over time, I guess my body could not take it any longer. I lost sleep, I was anxious and in panic mode. My head throbbed. My body trembled every hour. I had dizzy spells and had a blackout at a time. My chest constricted. I was withdrawn from a couple of people and also aggressive to some people. To majority of people ‘online’, I put up a face of happiness. It looked all good. But I was losing my mind. I honestly imagined a lot about being ‘gone’ once and for all… YET…

Yet, I facilitated sessions. I attended events. I motivated my staff. I hosted them to a night of partying and celebrated our CEO. I tried. God knows I tried to keep it together but Saturday night was the height of it. I literally felt what it meant to desire to die. No! I am not exaggerating or using words to intensify the experience. Saturday was terrible.

So when I woke up on Sunday to a message from a group I spoke to on Saturday… despite that it’s almost like most feedback I get when I teach anywhere, this was a silver line for me. I figured that ‘even in distress, I am able to be a blessing.’

The feedback warmed my heart. I felt grateful. I called up some friends and just ‘blabbed away nothing’ just to feel lighter. It worked too. I retired to bed last night feeling really relieved. I slept so well.. first time in days. I woke up feeling a little more positive than last week has been.

Before you get all frantic, sending me advices and counsel, please this is not to stir you up in fear or agitation. It is just to say that: your words count. When we serve you well, please do tell us. It goes a long way to make the efforts count.

I am fine. I am in therapy. Please don’t stress. Please. Thank you.

Lastly, I may not readily reply messages or take calls for a while. I am doing what I should do: REST!!! So please understand. Thank you.

m a k t u b!!!

PS: by the way, if you’re owing me money, pay o. My mental health breakdown no mean say I forget o. 😁🤣😂😂😂😂😂

The Octopus.